I recently made the impulsive decision to wallpaper my spare bedroom. I walked into Lowe’s like I was Bob the Builder and bought 3 rolls of peel and stick paper.

No measuring or planning. I just thought, “this oughta do it.” Let’s just say the tutorial video would have been good to watch before I walked into Lowe’s and not after I was halfway done with so.many.rolls.of.wallpaper. 

As long as you don’t get too close, it looks fine. Stand back from the hallway and it is impressive. Stand inside the room and you may get a case of the vapors from the misaligned patterns and rookie mistakes. As in life, sometimes we need to step back and appreciate the big picture. 

I have often shared my experience with grief since losing both my parents and my husband. And my dog, let’s not forget the dog. And I have access to miraculously healing therapy that includes a special kind for trauma recovery called EMDR. I know EMDR has saved my life. There was no way I could carry this much pain without it.

But It has been a grueling journey and it has taken me to parts of myself that I didn’t consciously know were there. I have revisited the big and little memories from my marriage, my childhood, and my relationship with myself.

I see things with fresh eyes every time we explore my past. No one understands me better than me now (no offense, God, I know you have my back.) And I even start most sentences now with, “my therapist said” and that must be so fun for my friends.

But I have been “in the weeds” lately…stuck in the details of my messy life. And I think I am standing too close to the wallpaper now. I am dizzy with the patterns and details of it all. I am seeking clarity for things I may never truly sort out.

It is so easy to get stuck in a constant cycle of examination of our lives. Focused on the worry of what is yet to come or the grief and regret of what has already passed. We can get sucked into the news cycles and social media before we even realize we are in the abyss of knowing too much. It steals our time and possibly, our joy.

Like realizing this morning that I know more about Justin Bieber at Coachella. And I have worried way too much about the Strait of Hormuz than necessary for my survival.

Not to mention, I have also developed a strange new obsession with watching otters eat shrimp in my reels. And I am not proud that this escalated from watching beaver birthday parties where they wear hats.

And all this mental concentration can take us away from seeing the beauty of right now. It can be a barrier that keeps us from loving our neighbors and taking care of ourselves. Did you know that one way to regulate your nervous system is turning your head slowly back and forth and take in what is around you?

The Artemis astronauts taught us this week how to literally back all the way up and appreciate where we are in the big picture! From outer space, they saw us all as one planet and reminded us how interconnected and lucky we are as humans on this beautiful planet.

I know it is time for me to back way up and take a deep breath and gaze at my surroundings. I am so lucky to be here. I want to move forward with Artemis level hope and enthusiasm.

Please remember to say I am good at wallpaper next time you see me. It is not true but in the big picture, I did it!