Tag: loss
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Agreeable Gray
Read more…: Agreeable GrayDid you know there is a paint color called Agreeable Gray? Apparently, it is pretty popular among the “greige” neutrals for interior walls. I learned this, and the fact that there is even a color word called greige, when I decided my house needed a refresh shortly after my husband died. I remember calling the…
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Four Trees, Not Five
Read more…: Four Trees, Not FiveSometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t control the outcome. That is the spoiler alert moral to this story. I have four trees in the backyard. I planted five trees when my husband Erik died 2 years ago. And then I planted them again. Shortly before his death, we had walked through a…
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I didn’t have much to say…
Read more…: I didn’t have much to say…I am coming out of winter hibernation without much of a story to share. I kind of suck at widowing in the winter. Why does January feel like a long weekend in purgatory? Why is it followed by February with Valentine’s Day and Girl Scout cookies? I wish I could tell you it is getting…
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You won’t like me when I’m angry
Read more…: You won’t like me when I’m angryThere is truth in everything. Everyone has their own valid perspective and more than one thing can be true at the same time. I am not sure if I learned this from the Oprah show after school growing up or in therapy. Oh! And there are two sides to every coin. That might be from…
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Get back out there, they said…
Read more…: Get back out there, they said…I am 18 months into being “alone” in a world where I spent almost 30 years as a couple with my late husband, Erik. I have just started to use the phrase, “my late husband” because I have been referring to him as “my husband” in the present tense since he died. That is a…
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Potholes
Read more…: PotholesI am in a pothole. I named these “grief episodes” after the cracks in the road that sometimes take us by surprise when we are driving. I never see them coming but have been learning to navigate them when they hit me. I know they are temporary and necessary for my growth. But they are…
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The Messengers in Manzanita
Read more…: The Messengers in ManzanitaHave you ever met someone “out in the wild” that was delivering a message to you at just the right time and place? I remember sitting with my parents in church on Sundays and wondering if my mom told the pastor about my teenage shenanigans because I thought the sermon was a direct message from…
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The Lasts
Read more…: The LastsToday is a hard day but it won’t be the last. Some days I just let the heartache bubble up like I am sitting in a hot tub of grief. Just soaking in the loss of my husband and sinking in a simmering brew of self pity and pain. These days used to scare me…
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Making & Taking Space
Read more…: Making & Taking SpaceI probably have had more mental health therapy than most people. So I feel like I have become the local “Lucy” from the Peanuts. For just 5 cents I can spill out some therapy to just about anyone or maybe it is more like that warm and fuzzy feeling we had in the 90’s when…
